Emily's Llama Hands -- Cold Touch
Oil on Canvas - 36" x 48"
Ana, my sister, and I used to make "llama hands" in car rides which were usually to the city to check in with her doctor. wed usually get negative news so this was our way of lightning the mood. I painting myself holding a stuffed lama, surrounded by stuffed animals representing me grasping onto my childood, trying to remember her.
I'm Not Them
Oil on Canvas - 30" x 40"
This painting was the first of my senior project series about grief. I'm seen hovering above a misty crowd, never feeling apart of it, but watching from a short distance. When losing my sister, I went to school two days after she died. I remember the shock of life carrying on without her. The brutal harmony of life and death playing out in front of me as I watched people work on a pointless science project. I'de never felt more alone or depressed. In this work I wanted to capture how grey the world felt by using cool blues. I wanted the figures to look ghostly and scary, since grief is a place where everyone seems cold and hostile.
I'm Still Here
Oil on Canvas -- 30" x 40"
For so long I feel I havent been seen, so im saying, "hey look at me, I'm still here," but no one is listening. My face is red and puffy from nonstop crying. I'm usually dissiociative when I'm in a car, since the car holds so much trauma for me. When I used to drive to the city with my family, we'd wait for bad news to come about my sisters cancer. The faces in the windows are representative of hallucinations I had during my psycotic break. The two figures in the drivers seat and in the back represent absent friends and family who would never understand what I was going through during the time of my psycosis, so I felt trapped and alone. This is both about my past trauma of losing my sister and recent trauma of losing my mind due to cannabis withdrawl.
Nostalgic Balloons
Oil on Canvas -- 30" x 40"
This painting is inpired by the movie Endless Poetry by Alejandro Jodorowsky which is about letting go of childhood. I painted gloves with cartoon patterns letting go of balloons which have multiple expressions. This represents me letting go of the emotions I had when I was little. I'm hopelessy laying on a streetlight that shines a cold dead light. I wanted it to look like I was being abducted by a ufo, inspired by Radioheads song Subtareanean Homesick Alien, where I wish a light could come and take me away from reality. The reality that I need to let go of childhoods hold on me.
Spiderman in the Cafeteria
OIl on Foamboard -- 18" x 24"
the highschool cafeteria is another painful place to be when your grieving. I wanted to capture that alienlike experience of being in a social environment when your trying to hold yourself together after experienceing a loss. I wanted there to be a person taped to the ceiling, representing me being forced to attend school during such a difficult period in my life.
"Sadie's Room"
Alcohol and acrylic marker on paper
7" x 9"
Sadie is a character I created who represents an addict. the room is lit with neon lights and sadie is smoking a blunt. I wanted to turn this into an entire narrative about teens escaping from a fire they created in spite of their parents
Third Eye (Self Portrait)
Acrylic on Paper
24" x 18"
Inner Child
Acrylic, Water Color, Collage on Paper
8.5" x 11"
"2021"
Alcohol-based marker
7" x 10"
Ah this doesnt need much explaining. 2021 was a rough year and I think this captures how most of us felt during this time
"the green eye"
acrylic on paper
7"10"
this is about the false realizations that many people develope after a drug trip. The third eye or all the eyes are red representing being high.
"Mysterious Girl in a Coffee Shop"
Alcohol & watercolor-based markers
7" x 10"
this is inspired by the scene in the movie Waking Life by Richard Linklader where theres a flirtatious animated woman in the airport. We don't learn anything about her and we only meet her once. I wanted to capture that mysterious uncanny vally feeling of seeing someone in a dream
"Oh Little One."
acrylic on paper
7"10"
"Oh Little One," is a line from the song strange mercy. This song moved me since I enterpreted the lyrics as having to put on a fake smile or lying to kids to sheild them from a dark reality. The figure represents me doing this kind of lying to myself so I can calmy go to sleep. The purple coming out of the hand is a nod to Harold and the purple crayon which was my favorate show when i was little.
The Concert
Acrylic & Collage on Hand-Stretched Canvas
24" x 16"
Tired
Acrylic & Collage on Paper
8.5" x 11"
Checker Emissions
Charcoal & Watercolor on Paper
11" x 8.5"